it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
