So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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