i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
