In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
