If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
