I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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