So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
