im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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