so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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