I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
