Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
