i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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