i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
