Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
