she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
