Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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