actually, I'm a sock model
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
