I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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