so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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