I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
