Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
