bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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