i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
