My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
