And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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