Nicole vs. Life
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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