Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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