i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
