I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
