what day is it and did you see me today?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
