I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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