If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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