Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
