College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
