Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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