Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
