He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My bed smells like the plague
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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