I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
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IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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