i just wanna soil my oats bro
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
