he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
