Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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