Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
