You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
