We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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