After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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