i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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