She is in my trunk
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
