went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
