I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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