What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
