And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
