There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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