My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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