On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize