yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
