Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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