Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
