We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
