i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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