Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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