I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
