Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
