My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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