so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
