I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
where am i from again
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
