Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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