I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
